


Tears and Feathers

by AshinaWalker



Category: Phan
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Disorders, Phan - Freeform, Self Harm, Wings AU, dan x phil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 03:26:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8516638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshinaWalker/pseuds/AshinaWalker
Summary: So this is my first fanfic please be nice. This idea is from thesleepdeprived they made the whole idea and I'd go check out their story Teach Me To Fly.





	1. Wings

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Teach Me to Fly](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5104322) by [thesleepdeprived](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesleepdeprived/pseuds/thesleepdeprived). 



"Dan there is some boy from school asking to talk to you!" My Mum yells loudly. "Shit" I say cursing under my breath. I put the knife that I was holding down and yell "One sec Mum!" 

I put my leg in the sink to wash away all the blood that had spilled out of my leg from the knife. "Dan I'm sending him to your room!" She screeches. I think she's drunk. I panic throwing my jeans on without bandaging my cuts. A boy walks into my room just in time for me finishing tying my belt. I look up at his face, 'shit' I think to myself. He has beautiful blue eyes, black hair, and pale skin. 

I feel my cheeks heat up because I've been staring at him for so long. "Dan, my names Phil, I'm sorry if this visit was at horrible timing but I really need to talk to you." Phil says quickly. "W-w-hat do you need t-to talk to me about?" I say shakily. I saw you in the bathroom this morning," he stops looking unsure of himself. "You were in a stall, but there was blood on the floor, and you were crying." "Normally I'd think you just got hurt but then you dropped a razor blade." 

At this moment tears are streaming down my face. When he realizes he runs over to me and hugs me. "I'm so so so bloody sorry," Phil says squeezing me tighter as soon as he finishes his sentence. "I'm not going to force you but I just need to say I think you should tell your mum. "NO!" I shout hurridly. "Fine, just don't do anything like... suicide." He says weirdly caringly even though we just met. I stop hugging him and sit down on my bed. I feel sharp pains shooting down my back. "Shit!" I howl from the pain. Phil crouches down in front of me and says "I'm going to get your mother." He gets up but then drops down and yells through clenched teeth, "Bloody hell!" Then the pain slowly goes away I stand up and so does Phil. "What the fuck happened?" I say questioningly. "I don't know, but I think I have to go home, it's already 7:00 and I need foood." Phil says patting his stomach. "See you around" I giggle trying to stay cool. "Bye" he says waving and leaving my room. As soon as he does I grab my pajamas, a new pair of boxers and head into the bathroom. I strip off my shirt and pants and put on Melanie Martinez' album Crybaby. I take off my boxers, open the glass shower door, and then getting out because today's gym lesson was brutal. I needed a Epsom salt bath plus my back is still tense from whatever had happened earlier today. I get in and start the bath while singing to Alphabet Boy. 

Then all of a sudden I imagine me and Phil snuggling in the bath. I feel my cheeks heat up. I get up and out of the bath when Teddy Bear starts playing. I look up into the mirror and notice blue, pink, and yellow feathers and gasp. I pull on my boxers quickly and run to my Mum. "Mum I got a soul mate!" I screech in exitement.

"Calm down sweetheart, who was the last girl you remember meeting today." She says calmly. "The last person I met and liked was... mum he's not a girl." "Are you mad? I ask her worridly. "No sweety but what's his name. "Phil the guy who came over a little while ago, it's him. I say with a jump in my voice. "Call him and let him know." She says happily. I run upstairs not even caring that I'm shirtless and email him, 'do you have skype? If so contact me at Dan Howell.' (Not his real skype) a few minutes later I get a Skype call from phillovescats I answer greeted by him on a gurney in an ambulance. "What the fuck happened to you?" I say worridly. "I found my soulmate, but my right wing is broken, dislocated, and is growing slower than the other." "Phil... you are my soulmate." I say. 

"Phil I'm going to the hospital now." I say quickly and hang up. I grab my keys, hop in my car and drive to the hospital.


	2. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff, like tooth rotting fluff. This chapter is so cute. You have to read it to know.

As soon as I pull up I throw myself out of the car and head inside. I walk up to the desk and tell the rude looking lady, "I'm her to see Phil Lester." "Are you his brother?" She asks me. "No I'm his... soulmate." I say scared of seeing her reaction. "Room 13," She says blandly. I quickly find it and knock. "Who us it?" I hear Phil say.  
"It's me, Dan," I say. "Come on in," I hear a unknown women's voice say.

I open the door to be greeted by Phil in a hospital bed and a kinda cheerful looking woman. I walk over to a chair beside the bed and sit next to him. I hold his hand after a while. Why did I have to be his soulmate. If I wasn't then he wouldn't be in so much pain. "I'm sorry," I say sadly to Phil. "For what?" He asks me questioningly. "For this, for hurting your wing, if I wasn't your soulmate you wouldn't be hurt." I say. I look up at his eyes. His eyes show that he is sorry. "I'm sorry that I make you feel that way." He says lovingly and sorrily. The woman gets up and leaves. He looks at me and cups my cheek. 'Holly shit! Is this really happening?' I think to myself panicly. He leans in and so do I. His lips meet mine. After a little while I pull back and lean my forehead on his. I can feel his eyelashes brush against mine.

His lips meet mine again and right away I feel warm and fuzzy. I hang my arms on his shoulders and pull myself closer to him so I can deepen the kiss. He licks my lips and I open my mouth. His tongue slips into my mouth and explores every inch of my mouth. I moan and immediately feel embarrassed. I can feel him giggle and feel him smile against my lips. We pull away and he pulls me weakly onto his bed. But then I remember that he's hurt. "I know what you are going to say but I don't care if I'm hurt, I wanna cuddle," he says dreamily. I lay my head on his chest. "I l-l-l-love you," I stutter out. "I love you too. I also love that when your scared you stutter." He says sweetly. After a while I hear him snoring. So i decide to rest my eyes to. I close my eyes and fall asleep slowly.


	3. Surgery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Friday! I love friday. I'm going to be updating multiple times through out the weekend. this chapter is a littles sad just to let you know. Hope you like it. Also, I'm done yusing paragraphs. Plus I just have to say, I'm transgender.

I wake up to the feeling of warmth in my body and a pair of arms tightly wrapped around my waist. I feel kinda sad today and I don't know why. I just feel like something bad is going to happen. I decide to sit in the hospital bed with Phil just a little longer. After a while Phil starts moving. While I'm staring at the ceiling I suddenly feel him him kissing my neck. "Good morning," I slur hazily. I feel that this is going to get heated. He starts kissing my collarbone. I moan, feeling embarresed all over again. My cheeks heat up and he starts kissing my lips. He sucks on the bottom lip, and then traps it between his teeth. He starts to slow down and kisses the corner of my eyelid. I kiss his lips and we both start to blink. We pull apart and I lay my head on his chest. I start to sing 'I Think I'm Crazy' by Melanie Martinez. "My eyes begin when you walk in the room, My face lights up and it's apparent that I'm falling for you." I sing to him, i notice that hes blushing. I smile at how cute he is. A knock comes from the door. "Ding dong," Phil says with a straight face. I giggle. "Come in," I say in between my fits of laughter. A docter walks in on us playing Miss Mary Mac like primary schoolers. "Phillip Lester, I have a few questions for you," she says bluntly. Phil nods. "Who is your soulmate?" She asks blandly, "This lovely young man," he says gesturing to me. "When is your birthday?" I ask him. "January 30th," he says knowingly. "What about you?" he says smiling. "June 11, damn it," I say angrily. He smirks. "Okie," the docter says uncomfortably. "Have either of you have any form of sexual relations in the past 30 days?" I feel my face heat up, even the answer is no for me, "No," we say in unison. I immediately feel relieved. she looks at me and asks, "Whats your full name?" "Daniel Howell," I answer reluctantly. 'Damn it, he knows my full name,' I think to myself. Tears start brewing in for two reasons, because he knows my name is Daniel, and because im about to cry over my fucking name. Wether I like it or not I feel hot tears stream down my cheeks. Phils hand reaches up towards my face and he wipes away my tears. "When she leaves We'll talk," Phil whispers quietly. "Daniel," she says as I cringe at that name. "Do you have male, um... parts?" she asks uncomfortably. "Yes," I say. "Philip I think I know your problem." The woman says. "What?" he asks quickly. "You see, since you have a male partner and you're male God did something wrong to you for your sins." She says bluntly. I quickly stand up and stand up straight so I can go to my full height. "If you ever fucking show your face around me or Phil ever again you might not wake up the next morning," I say menacingly. I grab Phils hand and walk out. I follow the signs to the bathroom. I pull him inside so we can talk. "I wish all the people like her would just dies painfully," I say darkly. "It's OK my bear," Phil says calmly with a smirk. "why were you crying gumdrop?" He asks worridly. "Um, I kinda hate my name... I know it's a stupid reason to cry but thats how I feel." I say sadly feeling tears brewing in my tear duct. "Babe, it's OK, I love you no matter what." he says sweetly, "You'll always be my Danny Bear." He kisses me softly on my cheek. "Babe also we have to go and request a more accepting doctor," I say in worry that his wing might get worse if we don't get help for it soon. I grab his hand and pull him up. I ask him if he wants a piggy back ride because we are both childish. "Of course," He climbs on my back, "Now onward my servant." He says goofily. I follow the signs to the front desk. "Um miss, we'd like to request a Doctor to accomadate my partners wing while having good hospitality." I say regally. "What happened to his wing?" The woman behind the desk questions. While it was growing in his wing broke and doslocated, and the nurse who was asking us questions told us it was God getting us back." I say angrily. "OK, we will get you a doctor ASAP." She answers nicely. We walk over to the waiting room. Phil sits in a chair and I sit on the floor while he plays with my hair. "Phil." The woman calls to us. We walk up holding hands and are greeted by a Man and the woman. "This is Dr. Barton, He is going to be your doctor during your stay, he is also a surgen and physical therapist." She says nicely. "Follow me gentelmen," he says. We follow him to a room. We sit down on on the hospital bed. "Now you have a two routes to fixing your wing." he says. " surgery which you could very likely still be able to fly, or physical therapy where you wont be able to fly but it will hurt less." he says sternly. "surgery," he says quickly, "I want to be able to fly with you babe," he says sweetly and plants a kiss on my forehead.   
_______Time Skip_________

I grab Phils wrist and help him into bed. I take off his sling and lay my head on his chest. "I love you even if you can't fly," I say happily. Then I feel hot tears landing on my head. I look at Phil and wipe his tears away. "I'm so so so so soooooooooooooo sorry babe, It's all my fault. For bringing it up, for Being your soulmate and putting you through this." At my last word he burries his face in my chest and sobs. "It isn't your fault, it's just the way I was positioned and genetics." he says holding back tears. "Danny Bear, you need to start flying, or you wont be able to learn ever." He says reluctantly. "Not without you." I say holding Phil as he starts sobbing again.


	4. Flying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dans first flying lesson... he's going to die. <3 Phil is enjoying every moment of it, or at least watching Dan fall. But what is he really feeling. Also, major self harm trigor warning.

I wake up to Phil giving me angel kisses. My eyes flutter open, and Phil says, "G'morning Bear," as he plants a kiss on my cheek. "Good morning Lion," I say drearily. You see Phil is so great at coming up with cute names for me and I'm horrible but I managed to find the cute nickname Lion. Today is my first lesson, but I don't think Phil is going to be OK. "Todays a big day babe," phil says and kisses my forehead. Once he finishes his sentence I burry my face in his chest and start sobbing. "I don't want to go unless your flying with me." I cry out loudly. He holds me tighter, I swear I hear him whisper I'm sorry. "I have to get in the shower," I say. "OK, I'm gonna make us breaksfast," Phil says. I grab my clothes and secretly grab a razor. I go into the bathroom, turn on the shower head, and grab the razor blade. I slice it against the skin on my thighs, and as I do I feel my emotions pour out of me. With that first cut I break a promise I made with Phil 1 year ago. I start slicing rapidly. pretty soon I'm starting to worry at how much blood is coming out of my legs. I start to get dizzy so I quickly throw on a pair of boxers and quickly run downstairs to the kitchen. I know he is going to be disapointed and not voice his dissapointment like he does in worry that he might hurt me emotionally and become one of the reasons that I do it. I quickly tell him in tears what had happened. He doesn't seem angry but I kinda think he is. He runs over to me and holds me. I think hes crying cause I feel wet droplets fall and my head. Everything starts to blur I get dizzy and everything turns white.  
_______________Phils POV______________

I feel his body limply fall against me. I look up to see his eyes closed. I quickly find his pulse and make sure hes alive. It's beating weakly. I quickly grab some rubbing alchol a rag and my phone and dial 911. "Hello my soulmate cut himself and now hes starting to bleed out, what do I do?" I ask in tears. A mans voice answers saying, " Whats your adress and clean his wounds, and apply presure." (pretend adress) 9223 kirkwood drive, london." I answer. "help is on its way," the man says. I use the alchol and rag to clean his wound. I look at it andnotice it stopped bleeding. 'It's a miracle' I think to myself. 3 minutes later police and medics open the door and get him on a gurney and in an ambulance. We hurry to a hospital and Dan starts waking up.  
______________Dans POV____________

I start to see again and i notice I'm in a vehicle asumably an ambulance and I see Phil in a chair/bench beside me. "I'm sorry," I say weakly. " Phil gets up and embraces me. He kisses my lips sweetly, and I already know that he is sorry himself. A woman stands up and says, "I'm Dr. Diaz, I need to say right now that you won't be able to fly without somebody helping you, you lost to much blood and one of your wings blood somehow poured into your leg. When you cut it you lost so much blood that your muscles in your right wing wont be able to be used to fly." she says sorrily. Phils face darkens with sadness.   
________________________Timeskip______________________

Were walking down to the park when I get a great idea. 'Phils going to be so so so happy when I tell him' I think to myself. I wrap my arm around his waist so he'd wrap his arm around my shoulder. I start flapping my left wing, "Flap your right wing," I say quickly. He does so. I jump up and he copies. we stay in the air for a moment but then we both fall. "Do it again," I say. He does so. We jump off a bench this time and we dont fall. "What the fucking hell," Phil surprisingly cusses. "See we can fly babe, even if we both cant use one of our wings." I say and kiss his lips. We (not so gracefully land on the ground) and I see Phil as happy as a child with a million bucks in a candy store.  
Phil starts crying and I see him smiling. "You're the best, and most important guy in the world." He says sweetly. We both lean in and kiss passionately. He holds me tightly, and for the first time he moans. I giggle at how embaressed he probably is. We pull apart, and we both say, "I love you"


End file.
